After years of trying to fit my square peg of diet and exercise capabilities into the round hole of various programs, I’ve come to a realization:

Knowing what I will and won’t do in terms of diet and exercise is directly related to my chances of success.

What I mean is this: we’ve all tried diets and failed at them. Some work for us, while others don’t. We’ve all tried different types of exercise, only to abandon them after a few weeks.

Diet and exercise are not a one-size-fits-all scenario.

Here’s what I’ve come to realize about myself.

1. Food is important to me. I’d rather step up my exercise than give up carbs long term.

2. I don’t like to sweat. But I’m getting over it.

3. I hate running.

4. I don’t like ball sports.

5. I love yoga. Too bad it doesn’t help me lose weight.

6. The no sugar no carbs thing doesn’t work for me. Mentally, anyway.

7. I’d rather work out at home than go to the gym.

8. I like the game component of exercising with my Wii.

9. I have to be willing to not let my diet rule my life completely and forgive myself when I get off track. (Like I did with that pizza last night).

10. I have to find a diet and exercise plan that I can maintain long term.

To that effect, I’m one week in to the Carb Lovers diet. I’m also stepping up my exercise and taking African Mango Extract supplements. I lost 3 pounds this week (but I’m still higher than I was pre-holidays )

I haven’t wanted to share this yet beyond close friends and family, because I didn’t want to cause alarm. Turns out there is none!

A few months ago, I found a lump in my breast. I waited a few weeks to see if it went away. It didn’t, so I went to my gyno, who sent me to get an ultrasound.

The doctor who read the ultrasound said he was “pretty sure” it was a fibroadenoma (nothing to worry about), but if I wanted to be sure, I could have a biopsy.

All my friends and family said I should go ahead with the biopsy. But it wasn’t urgent, so at first I wasn’t that worried.

Then I talked to my GP, who freaked me out about the biopsy, and told me I could have a mammogram as a sort of “second opinion.” I did that. Still they suggested biopsy.

Ok, at this point, I’m getting a little worried. But I go on vacation for 3 weeks, and have my biopsy scheduled for when I get back.

Every day, it eats at me a little. What if.but no, I refuse to think that far. I tend to overdo it.

I come back (only a few breakdowns under my belt) and have the biopsy. They tell me it’ll be 2-7 days before I get the results back. I can’t imagine a week of being on edge.

Two days later (today) I hear back. I’m fine. Sigh of relief.

What I Took Away

I’m only 34, so I’ve got a few years before I have to start having mammograms. But I’m not afraid of them now after the two I’ve had. They’re really not that bad.

The biopsy wasn’t bad either. I watched the needle going in and couldn’t feel it. The worst part is I have to wait 72 hours before taking a bath and I so desperately want one. (Yes, I can shower).

Last week I “made an offering to the breast cancer gods,” and donated to Susan G. Komen. I think I’ll keep doing that.

I was prepared in the event that I got bad news. I know I’m strong enough to handle it. And one day, I might get that (or other) bad health news. I will survive, as so many have already.

I am happy to be alive and healthy. Take nothing for granted. And do your self-checks!!

Today the three of us found ourselves on a playground. While the boys played on the jungle gym, I decided I felt like a swing.

Before long, a girl about 9 joined me and began to swing. We engaged in small talk. Soon we were pumping our legs in sync, seeing who could swing higher. I felt her age.

“Lean backwards like this!” she demonstrated falling back and looking behind her on the swing.

Before I could let my usual adult excuses kick in, I leaned back. I felt exhilaration, fear, and the familiar.

“It makes me a little uncomfortable to do that, but at the same time, I like it,” she explained in uncanny adult language.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

After that lesson, she also urged me to close my eyes while swinging. I got that same mix of fear and freedom.

Why as adults do we lose the ability to let go like this? Why did it take a stranger — a child to get me to free myself, if only for 5 minutes?

photo credit: tazmany