You smell like some kind of bad breakfast. You smell like bad French Toast.

We don’t change our socks in Mexico.

Mama, how come you don’t fart?

I haven’t written any Maxisms lately, so here are some good ones.

You’re Not a Dude

My best friend and I use the word “dude” around each other heavily. It’s our thing. When I’ve used the word around Max, he has said, “You/he/she is not a dude.” I ignored it for a while, but have delved into it recently.

After much interrogation, I have deduced that to Max, black men are dudes. But only really dark ones. Not my husband. Not women. Just dark black men. I don’t know where he got this. I tried explaining that dude is just another word for man/person/guy and that anyone can be one. His reply:

“So a baby could be a dude?”

Yes, Max, a baby can be a dude.

Shower Habits

Max cleans his toes after taking off his socks. Before he takes a shower. I ask why he doesn’t clean them in the shower. He doesn’t have a reasonable answer, except that “Papa lets him.” No comment.

Piano

I asked why he hadn’t played piano in a while.

“I like YouTube better.”

Voltron

This is less of a Maxism and more of a quirky thing. We have Netflix on demand and Max is really into Voltron. As in, the show from the ’80s. And he wants a toy. As in, they don’t make them anymore. As in they are $400 collectors’ items.

Just a quick note to show how awesome my son is. He drew this on the board in his play room:

For those of you who have trouble reading Kindergarten-ese, it says “No dogs a bit.”

As in “no dogs allowed.” in my playroom. Keep out, dogs.

We don’t have any dogs. It was just a preventative measure on his part.

My kid is awesome.