You smell like some kind of bad breakfast. You smell like bad French Toast.

We don’t change our socks in Mexico.

Mama, how come you don’t fart?

You’re Not a Dude

My best friend and I use the word “dude” around each other heavily. It’s our thing. When I’ve used the word around Max, he has said, “You/he/she is not a dude.” I ignored it for a while, but have delved into it recently.

After much interrogation, I have deduced that to Max, black men are dudes. But only really dark ones. Not my husband. Not women. Just dark black men. I don’t know where he got this. I tried explaining that dude is just another word for man/person/guy and that anyone can be one. His reply:

“So a baby could be a dude?”

Yes, Max, a baby can be a dude.

Shower Habits

Max cleans his toes after taking off his socks. Before he takes a shower. I ask why he doesn’t clean them in the shower. He doesn’t have a reasonable answer, except that “Papa lets him.” No comment.

Piano

I asked why he hadn’t played piano in a while.

“I like YouTube better.”

Voltron

This is less of a Maxism and more of a quirky thing. We have Netflix on demand and Max is really into Voltron. As in, the show from the ’80s. And he wants a toy. As in, they don’t make them anymore. As in they are $400 collectors’ items.

For those of you who have trouble reading Kindergarten-ese, it says “No dogs a bit.”

As in “no dogs allowed.” in my playroom. Keep out, dogs.

We don’t have any dogs. It was just a preventative measure on his part.

My kid is awesome.

What??

He showed me the picture of the little acorn who, once he was old enough, had to let go of his mother, the tree and fall to the earth. We talked about how he would go to college and move away from me. His biggest concern was that he wouldn’t know the way to our house.

It was a very sweet and emotional conversation to have with a nearly-5-year-old.

We were singing it at breakfast and I told him we’d play it when we got in the car. I’m still trying to teach him the difference between a radio song I can’t play on command and a cd I can. He said, “I hope you can find it.”

I replied, “I know where it is.”

Max: “You should go to that .com to find it.”

Me: “Huh? What .com?”

Max: “ThatsNotMyName.com.”

Whaaaa? That kid cracks me up. He doesn’t even really know what a .com is and here he is making up clever ones.

“How can he skate on a clock?” inquired little Max.

Huh?

Then I remembered when we visited the friend and he was out back skateboarding. I teased him about skating on the clock.

Kids say the darndest things.

Then he called Ross “dickiehead.” Oh no.

And  yesterday at Taco Bell, he looked at the picture of taco salad and said, “They put marshmallows in there!” (sour cream).

Aaah, Max. One day I will embarrass you with this blog.

courtesy of V J Flicks on Flickr

Max: Mama, look at that tree. It looks kinda gold.

Mama: Yes, that’s the sunset reflecting on the tree. Isn’t it pretty?

10 minutes later…

Max: Look Mama, the ’set’ on the tree is gone.

Great Maxism from Nanny Jenn:

“Jenn, why are you driving so slow?”

“Well I have to be careful so I don’t hit a car and someone gets hurt.”

“Well, you can always say you’re sorry.”

Ba-dum-dum.

He got all the Power Rangers goodies (thanks Rogers Group!) he could handle. The cake from our Marble Slab Creamery was perfect. The friends, despite their lateness, were warm and entertaining (or was that the pina colada?).

And Max? I don’t like to jinx things, but he’s changing. He’s less whiny (a result I think of me telling him he couldn’t be 4 if he whined) and more polite. Like when I brought home Power Rangers decorations and he said thank you. And he’s sweet. I WANT to hang out with him a lot more (if not for those troublesome “uglytoys” with all the parts I can’t figure out).

Little Buddha moment: “What are you looking at, Max?”

“The sky. It’s so pretty. It looks quiet. There are no birds flying. They’re all sleeping.”

Man, I love this kid.