I’ve written, though it’s been a while, about how sensitive Max is. He’s been better but still cries if you cut his toast, don’t catch his kiss when he blows it or give him a red shirt when clearly he wants a blue one.

Still, I felt better at soccer practice. Day 1 there was a 6-year-old sobbing like someone was beating him because he did not want to play soccer. I watched his mom coax, cajole and threaten him out of the corner of my eye and I wanted to hug her. Because I understood. Max has done the same thing. (That kid is now the best player on the team a few weeks later).

At their first game, the son of a couple I’ve befriended started crying on the field. He wanted his mommy. She might have been embarrassed, but I knew how she felt. They eventually pulled him and took him home.

He’s not the only one.

When you have one child, you don’t have much to compare to. You can look at other kids but it’s the behind-the-scenes stuff you can’t measure. Is it normal? Are you handling it right? Know what I mean?

By the way, Max is ROCKING at soccer! He’s not the fastest, but he’s dedicated. Sigh of relief.

So I’ve been on this diet and exercise plan nearly 3 weeks. I have just now hit the 5 pound mark of weight loss. Go me! Only 15 to go. It’s like reaching a small crest of a hill and then looking up to see I still have a mountain to go. Hooray.

Not me. Not by a long shot.

I don’t mind the 5-mile walks. I’ve found a walking buddy and rather enjoy them (except today when I have a headache and it’s cloudy).

I do miss foods I didn’t even like before. Like Twinkies. Mmm. Or big gooey pizza. I start planning my Anything Day the day after. Liquor, bread, grease, sweets…this week I really want homemade cupcakes with chocolate frosting. Buttercream, not whipped.

I’ve realized how food obsessed we are in this country. Going to the grocery store is like trying to dodge land mines. Those hush puppies are calling me. LOOK AWAY! It is my hope that after I reach my weight loss goal I can better manage the carb addiction and not let it pack on the weight like it has done.

Time for another protein shake. Sigh.

Whether Husband and I get back together or not, right now we’re sharing Max. He travels here on the weekends and Max hangs out. Today is the first day they’ll go away. They’ll stay in a hotel for one night.

While I’m dying to have some time away from the barnacle that has attached itself to my leg for a month, I find myself shaky with the prospect of being without Max. I know I’ll be antsy and ready for him to come home. It’s good it’s only one night.

I still can’t fathom being a single mom. Being the one who cooks for him every single day, even when I don’t want to. It may all work out in the end, but for now it is what it is.

I’m going out with my best friend. We will get drunk and I will forget that back at home no one is waiting for me.