I haven’t written about my relationship in a while. After “the incident” I wanted to shout from the rooftops about my pain. Now that things are getting better, the urge to share has lessened. But I want you to know I’m ok.

Husband and I are working at rebuilding. There were things we both needed to work on, like improved communication and giving the other what he/she wants. He tells me daily he loves me. That’s new. And I get flowers a lot more. That always puts a smile on my face. I’m working to be in tune to what he needs, like my support as he builds a new endeavor.

We’re getting there. But the romance that was there 10 years ago? It’s definitely there. And after it faded away so many years ago (I’m sure many of you can relate) it’s a welcome surprise to find us both getting fluttery stomachs when we see each other again.

Thanks to all of you who have supported me through the last few months. I’m going to make it through!

My mom gave me this poem and I find it so appropriate for this time in my life.

After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn…

I don’t write much about the misery I’ve been suffering ever since I found out my husband was a sex addict and have been dealing with being a single mom. I can’t. Just like I can’t dwell on it every minute of my life, or else…I’ll be in a very dark place. So I write about the happy times, about the memories I’m making with my son.

But I wanted to tell you how this blog has saved me a few times over. First of all, one of the women he was with was Googling him and found my blog, thus finding out he was married. Just as I guess I would do in the same situation, she reached out to me to tell me what had been going on. Not unkindly, just as a heads up. If she hadn’t, I would still be living in the fake plastic bubble I’ve been in for years.

Second, I’ve had such strong support from all of you through my blog. I can’t thank you enough for that. To be in a town I don’t really want to be in, feeling like my life is on hold and I have no one to talk to is tough. But virtual friends do an amazing job of being supportive. I cherish every comment you guys make, and I feel like you’re with me, holding my hand. Some of you I know, others I have yet to meet. But thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And the latest way the blog has saved me is that it helped another woman who survived her husband being a sex addict find me. She has left really supportive comments and we’ve emailed a few times. I feel I have an ally who I can look to as a success story. And she’s made me realize there are lots of great blogs like hers and resources for codependents (that’s what they call the partners of sex addicts).

I’m not alone. I have this blog, and all the wonderful things it brings me.