Mine is, but not according to this article from Working Mother. So I’m reading about ways to set the mood for romance and I have to tell you: these are chick activities. I don’t want to make a round generic statement, but I don’t think many men honestly would enjoy many of these.

The Movies

The Hub hates going to the movies. Only rarely do I get him there. He’d rather curl up on the couch horizontally and enjoy a movie together. It just has to be less than 90 minutes long.

A Concert

No. Just, no.

A Picnic

Only if it’s part of camping or hiking. There’s no “Sound of Music” moment here.

Karaoke

How is bad singing romantic for either of us??

Spa Visit

Eh. He likes massages, but even I don’t want to talk when I’m getting mine.

Theater

See concert.

Candlelit Dinner

He does like a good meal. Might convince him of this one.

Salsa Dancing

The hub’s a good dancer, but I suck. Plus there’s 1 foot difference in our height, so this makes it awkward.

Lingerie Shopping

This is more up his alley.

What’s Romantic for us:

• Watching UFC fights and drinking wine
• Cooking together
• Laying down and just being quiet (difficult for me)
• Getting a sitter and going.anywhere!

Husband and I are working at rebuilding. There were things we both needed to work on, like improved communication and giving the other what he/she wants. He tells me daily he loves me. That’s new. And I get flowers a lot more. That always puts a smile on my face. I’m working to be in tune to what he needs, like my support as he builds a new endeavor.

We’re getting there. But the romance that was there 10 years ago? It’s definitely there. And after it faded away so many years ago (I’m sure many of you can relate) it’s a welcome surprise to find us both getting fluttery stomachs when we see each other again.

Thanks to all of you who have supported me through the last few months. I’m going to make it through!

After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn…

But I wanted to tell you how this blog has saved me a few times over. First of all, one of the women he was with was Googling him and found my blog, thus finding out he was married. Just as I guess I would do in the same situation, she reached out to me to tell me what had been going on. Not unkindly, just as a heads up. If she hadn’t, I would still be living in the fake plastic bubble I’ve been in for years.

Second, I’ve had such strong support from all of you through my blog. I can’t thank you enough for that. To be in a town I don’t really want to be in, feeling like my life is on hold and I have no one to talk to is tough. But virtual friends do an amazing job of being supportive. I cherish every comment you guys make, and I feel like you’re with me, holding my hand. Some of you I know, others I have yet to meet. But thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And the latest way the blog has saved me is that it helped another woman who survived her husband being a sex addict find me. She has left really supportive comments and we’ve emailed a few times. I feel I have an ally who I can look to as a success story. And she’s made me realize there are lots of great blogs like hers and resources for codependents (that’s what they call the partners of sex addicts).

I’m not alone. I have this blog, and all the wonderful things it brings me.

While I’m dying to have some time away from the barnacle that has attached itself to my leg for a month, I find myself shaky with the prospect of being without Max. I know I’ll be antsy and ready for him to come home. It’s good it’s only one night.

I still can’t fathom being a single mom. Being the one who cooks for him every single day, even when I don’t want to. It may all work out in the end, but for now it is what it is.

I’m going out with my best friend. We will get drunk and I will forget that back at home no one is waiting for me.

Things had been progressing pretty well, I’d thought. I do what I normally do, which is bury my head in the sand and only see what’s good. Apparently we’re not on the page in our healing process. This hurts, and I’ve withdrawn.

I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to. When you tell a friend or family member something bad, they magnify it and remember it 10 times longer than the good stuff. Know what I mean? Friend 1 is busy with her business and family, and doesn’t really reach out to me in the emotional way I need. Friend 2 is an hour away. Friend 3? Well, he’s a wreck. Mom’s dealing with her own feelings about Husband, and I don’t like stressing her out.

I feel like people who go to prison and say “I’m innocent! I don’t deserve this!” I dont know how I suddenly find myself single, raising my son, on the brink of welfare. Where did I go wrong? Did I go wrong? Has my life with him been so lopsided that without him, I am reduced to this gelatinous pool of goo?

I have the strength inside me somewhere to prevail, I know it. It just seems to be asleep right now.

And next week is BlogHer, the mega conference I was so looking forward to going to. I forsook my ticket bc I thought I was moving to China with my happy little family. My Orlando ladies, have a great time for me.

This is durian.

Durian smells so bad, it is banned from taxis in Singapore. It is triple wrapped when it’s frozen, and even then the smell will permeate your soul.

Vee wanted my husband and I to try it. Since we’re global souls not afraid of a little culinary adventure, we said OK.

I ate one durian cookie and said “no more.” The taste stayed with me for 24 hours. I left the actual fruit to dear husband. See his reaction.

Care for some??

=                                

So not long ago I was enjoying some “time” with my husband and things kept popping in my head.

“I really hope that client pays me soon. What if he doesn’t? What will I do?”

“Oops. I forgot to put the clothes in the dryer. As soon as we’re done, I will.”

And so on.

It reminded me of how the same thing happens when I try to meditate. You know, where you try to focus on your breath but that slips away and you start a laundry list of the things you’re going to do as soon as you’re done with this meditation, which, quite frankly, is getting in the way of that list of things getting done?

Yea.

It’s so hard to turn it all off and focus, isn’t it?

Anyway, it’s been tough. We’ve only seen each other about 3 times so far. Max is doing really well. The last time he came for our anniversary, he only stayed 3 days. So I told him his next trip had better be longer or he shouldn’t bother coming at all! (Ok I didn’t really say that). So I’m happy to say he is coming for 10 days! He arrives today.

Too bad Max’s Spring Break was this week. Still, he’ll get some good Papa time, and hopefully I can work in a date or two.