I Am Alone
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RSS FeedI’m having what I call one of my “sad days.” Sad days can be triggered by emails or talks between me and husband, or a song, or nothing at all. Today it’s the first.
Things had been progressing pretty well, I’d thought. I do what I normally do, which is bury my head in the sand and only see what’s good. Apparently we’re not on the page in our healing process. This hurts, and I’ve withdrawn.
I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to. When you tell a friend or family member something bad, they magnify it and remember it 10 times longer than the good stuff. Know what I mean? Friend 1 is busy with her business and family, and doesn’t really reach out to me in the emotional way I need. Friend 2 is an hour away. Friend 3? Well, he’s a wreck. Mom’s dealing with her own feelings about Husband, and I don’t like stressing her out.
I feel like people who go to prison and say “I’m innocent! I don’t deserve this!” I dont know how I suddenly find myself single, raising my son, on the brink of welfare. Where did I go wrong? Did I go wrong? Has my life with him been so lopsided that without him, I am reduced to this gelatinous pool of goo?
I have the strength inside me somewhere to prevail, I know it. It just seems to be asleep right now.
And next week is BlogHer, the mega conference I was so looking forward to going to. I forsook my ticket bc I thought I was moving to China with my happy little family. My Orlando ladies, have a great time for me.
6 Comments
1.
Jennifer Wingard commented on July 15, 2009 at 7:54 pm
On the bright side, at least you didn’t get your little family moved to China and then have it all fall apart, leaving you stuck in a foreign country without a way to escape some of the pain.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
2.
Melanie (Modern Mami) commented on July 16, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Sad days are ok. If you didn’t have them, you’d be a robot. I know we haven’t kept up much, things have been hectic on my end too. I don’t see you much on twitter, etc., but know that I can always “listen” or read. Or actually listen. You can call me.
Hoping tomorrow is not a sad day.
3.
admin commented on July 17, 2009 at 9:02 am
You guys are great. Jennifer, you’re right. Better that it happened here than in China. That definitely would suck more!
Mel, thanks so much. I’m having trouble reaching out and am doing it passively through the blog, but I know you (and many) are there for me. Have an awesome time at BlogHer. (sob).
Susan
4.
Mary (MPJ) commented on July 23, 2009 at 1:58 am
I’m belatedly getting over here to visit again. Oh, man. When I first found out about what had been going on with my husband it was so isolating. Some friends and family I just didn’t want to tell — others were great, but just didn’t get what I was going through. Big hugs to you.
5.
admin commented on July 23, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Thanks Mary. I’m forcing myself to talk to people (and have been holding back sending you a long email pouring my guts out) and it’s helping.
Susan
6.
Elsa commented on July 27, 2009 at 6:04 pm
I know those sad days too well – I didn’t go through what you are going through however my ex cheated on me and we ultimately got divorced – it’s been 3 yrs now
Only thing I can tell you is that you will have your good days and your bad days and that is ok … it will get better…
I know we just met before you left Orlando but if you want to vent, am here
hugs,
Elsa